Stop punishing yourself! Happiness is not a forbidden desire, it’s a basic human need.

First of all, happiness is not synonym with pleasure. Happiness is a composite made of feelings driven by human needs.

Let’s see what we need, on the feelings side, not bodily functions.

1-To be accepted by others

We get a glimpse of ourself and settle on how the world works through the eye and the opinion of other people. That’s why mainstream is so strong, it’s the collectively accepted idea on how things are done in this world. In every interaction we seek others’ understanding of our actions and thoughts. This is so important that when it happens euphoria neurotransmitters are flushed between our neurones and when it doesn’t happen, stress hormones like norepinephrine come in play triggering a fight or flight response. 

2- To believe

This is scientifically proven. From the placebo effect to the existence of a supreme being, humans prefer to believe than to remain skeptical. And those who claim skeptical on one thing, believe something else. Believing is what comes naturally in our cognitive process; from communicating with others to causality of things. Beliefs go beyond religion, it’s the way our minds reason and think.

3- To own

Sharing is a word that doesn’t resonate well with humans. We have the need for ownership. Starting from material things like home, land, vehicles and reaching out to more abstract concept like power and people where the definition of ownership translates in a different way, yet the behavioural response remains. Nobody would say they own their kids or their partner, yet nobody would share them with others.

4- to mate in love

Regardless the heap of complications it creates, intimate physical pleasure accompanied with mental excitation (aka. love) is a human need and those who choose celibacy, are missing out on a major chapter of the human life book. It’s like going to a restaurant known for their popular pasta dish and try every other meal but this one. Beside the taste you are missing out, you are also unable to truly understand the rest of the people since that meal is the reason they’re at the restaurant in the first place.

5- To create

That can be from making burgers at your local diner to adjusting the Hubble telescope on a space walk. There is no less or more creative, or trying to be creative. Its more of a state of being that is fulfilling and satisfying in a deeper and private way.


Considering you are not ill and your bodily functions are covered (food, water, sleep), If you add the above fulfilled: BELEIF + POSSESSION + LOVE + ACCEPTANCE + CREATIVITY you get HAPPINESS

And since these are basic human needs, the derivative is also, you guessed it… a basic human need!

Free yourself from guilt and escape the cycle of self-pity and despair cause simply enough, you NEED to be happy 😃

Forcing the timing, 5+1 pitfalls

Forcing an action or an outcome before its time has more negative traits in the process than the gain of a successful outcome.

• If this happens once every now and then is ok. Everybody has fallen in the trap of shaking the tree before the fruit is ready. You might finally get the fruit to fall but you will be too exhausted to enjoy or you might have sacrificed a tree branch in the process.

• If this is your pattern of doing things then is not ok. You need to realize it and alter it.


Here is what the process of forcing outcomes in the wrong timing creates

1 • It is a fun-kill. We make so much effort we forget to pay attention to anything else

2 • It increases the risk of failure. Fruit doesn’t fall, am keep trying in frustration

3 • It creates an imbalance on the effort vs time vs outcome ratio

4 • The above reduces the value of the goal. As we try and try fruitless, we begin to question if that goal really deserves all the effort. Even if we do reach the goal while the effort has been in the discomfort zone, the overall experience won’t be gratifying.

5 • All the above create a feeling of inadequacy as we constantly find ourselves in the overdoing zone in order to achieve things that don’t even fulfill us as much as we thought they would.

So what is the right approach? (if there is such thing in life…)

The simplest and easiest one (we repeatedly tend to overlook): shake the branch till you see that the fruit does not want to come down. Then move on to another branch till you find a fruit that is ready. Don’t fall in the pit of creating attachment to a beautifully shaped fruit that after shaking the crap out of it still hangs in pride. This can easily make you loose yourself and all perspective resulting even in cutting down the whole tree for that one goal. Make no mistake, you might think that specific fruit is all you will ever want from the whole tree, but this is an illusion. Anything you have sacrificed everything for, is guaranteed not to fulfill you.